Adeste In-Home Care - Colorado

In-Home Care in Colorado

How Loneliness Impacts The One You Love

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As we age, we go through a lot of changes. We face empty nests. We lose spouses to divorce and death. And while some people enjoy being alone, many also face loneliness for the first time. The Administration on Aging states:

Over the past 10 years, the population age 65 and over increased from 37.2 million in 2006 to 49.2 million in 2016 (a 33% increase) and is projected to almost double to 98 million in 2060.

About one in every seven, or 15.2%, of the population is an older American.

About 28% (13.8 million) of noninstitutionalized older persons lived alone (9.3 million women, 4.5 million men).

Almost half of older women (45%) age 75 and over lived alone.

Being alone is different than loneliness. And for a senior already facing an array of changes, loneliness increases their risks of mental, emotional, and physical wellness.

If you’re concerned about a family member, your reason is well-founded. An isolated senior is more at risk for living an unhealthy lifestyle. Which means they’re also at greater risk for losing their independence sooner, and requiring more medical intervention down the road.

What can you do?

Introduce your loved one to technology. While many seniors are still scared of being online, if you make it easy, they can find all kinds of friendships and resources to keep them happy and entertained. Consider finding local senior technology resources in your area. Then sign them up, teach them to use it, and check in to ensure they are using sites to their full potential.

Encourage social settings. Just because a senior lives alone doesn’t mean they have to be alone. Look for senior centers that offer everything from lunch dates to classes and special outings. A date on the calendar gives them something to look forward to.

Find transportation that works. Is mobility an issue? Are you nervous to push them driving even more, especially after dark? Look for options. Uber and Lyft have revolutionized the way we travel around town. And if you’re loved one only uses them a few times a month, it can be a lot less expensive than having a car. If you find a car service that works well for your loved one, consider hiring them exclusively for her outings.

Look for support groups. There are groups for just about everything you can imagine. If your loved one is a widow or a widower, a grief support group may help. If they have health issues, a specific group may give them the tools they need to live a happier life.

3 Ways To Avoid Confrontation When Talking With Your Aging Parent

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Being a caregiver can take a lot of time, energy, and patience. And if you’ve been providing care for any length of time, you know “patience” can sometimes be your weakest point. Have you ever become frustrated and said things like:

“I told you that yesterday.”

Or

“Don’t you listen to me?”

You might have even said it with a tad bit more frustration than you’d intended.

Your parents might already know their memory and cognitive ability isn’t what it was when they were younger. These constant reminders can only fuel their frustrations. And when both sides of the caregiving table are upset, nothing good can come of it.

You might have justification to be annoyed. But as the caregiver, it is your responsibility to find the best approach. How must your mom or dad feel as they realize they can’t do things the way they once did? With just this in mind, you can start to see how simple changes can mean everything.

“I told you that yesterday.”

Let’s start with one of the most common phrases. Daily life is filled with little things. Getting ready for the day. Preparing a meal. Watching television. It seems simple enough, but have you upgraded their technology and they aren’t quite sure how to use it?

New televisions have remote controls straight out of the future. There are buttons on top of buttons. And the writing – forget about reading it. Even if it did make sense, they might not have a clue about what it is. Roku? All they want to do is watch a show. And it can lead to a lot of frustration.

If you find yourself saying, “I told you that yesterday” multiple times on the same subject, look for a solution. In the case of the complicated television, talk with your cable provider or do a little research online and invest in a senior-friendly remote that can the process easier. And save the “complicated” remote for when you watch television.

“You can do it yourself.”

Sometimes your parent complains about simple tasks, things you assume they should be able to do themselves. Tying a shoelace. Buttoning a coat. Changing a lightbulb. What they don’t want to tell you is it’s difficult for them, or even downright impossible. It adds shame into an already difficult situation, where they realize they can’t perform at a level they used to handle easily.

Stop and take a moment to see how they perform the task. Watch and see where the problem lies. Maybe they can bend over to complete the task. Maybe their fingers can move or grasp the way they would like. And rather than telling you, the task just doesn’t get done. But if you watch and see where the problem lies, you can look for solutions. Instead of shoelaces, how about slip-ons? There’s always a solution to make things a little bit easier.

“You need to use your cane/walker.”

Needing assistance to walk is a sign of getting old. And no matter how old a person gets, they always think old is way off in the future. Including your parents.

You might realize using a cane or walker gives them more stability, and can make them more mobile. But to them, it’s a sign of weakness. As a result, few will use it unless they see the advantages. This is your in.

Focus on what they can do if they use it. “I love our walks and I want to make sure you don’t trip and fall and break something.” This is usually one of the best paths to success. They don’t want to break anything either.

If you look for ways to keep your own stress levels down, chances are you can pass that along to your aging parent. Patience is the key. The adage of “stop and smell the roses” comes to mind. If you spend your time in the now, doing what you can to make each moment its best, you’ll both enjoy the process a lot more.

Feeling Unappreciated As A Caregiver? Do This

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Caregiving is a thankless job. No matter how hard you work each day, the one you’re caring for rarely shows appreciation. In many cases, they can’t. And that can take its toll on your well-being.

Part of you rationalizes this. You understand it. But still, it hurts. Your negative feeling keep building until you feel like you’re ready to explode. How do you cope?

Remind yourself why they don’t show appreciation

This may sound simple, but sometimes your negative feelings can be stopped just by stepping back and assessing why this is happening. If your loved one has dementia, for example, they often struggle just to get through the day. They can’t express their basic feelings; to show appreciation is beyond their capabilities.

When you step back and remember why you’re doing this in the first place, it allows you to feel appreciation for yourself – for taking the initiative to be there for someone who means a lot in your life.

Celebrate your own accomplishments

If your family can’t or won’t thank you for what you’re doing, shower yourself with appreciation instead. Create moments during your week where you do things just for you. Join groups both online and in your local area that allow you to connect with people beyond your caregiving duties. This will let you stay connected to who you are as a person, outside and beyond the tasks you take on as a caregiver.

Use humor

Sometimes people get caught up in their own lives and problems and forget the basics. Remind them. If you’ve done something above and beyond, or just want to let your loved ones know you’re human too, take a lighthearted approach. Say something like: “No need to thank me; it’s all part of this job” after completing a task. Sometimes lightening the mood can not only take away stress, but it can also make both of you feel better. A good chuckle is always a good thing.

Remember your performance isn’t based on recovery

In many situations, we work hard to get to the finish line. We go to school and work towards graduation. We work hard at our jobs in hopes of a promotion. But it doesn’t work the same way with caregiving. We often work harder only to see the one we love fail a little bit more.

That’s why you should never judge yourself based on what’s happening. You can’t judge how your actions helped your loved one yesterday, and compare it to work performed today. It’ll never be the same and can change from day to day.

You are making a difference no matter what’s required each day. By reframing the way you approach each task can help you realize that even a grumble might be the only way they can truly say: thank you.

How To Respond To Your Loved One When They Ask The Same Questions Over and Over Again

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When your loved one asks you a question the first time, you may go into detail and provide a thoughtful answer.

By the time they’ve asked the same question for the tenth time, your nerves are frayed and your temper starts to rise. That’s when your caregiving skills are tested once again.

It’s easy to snap. When you’re tired, hearing the same thing over and over again can make you question everything. But it’s important to remember that the person you are caring for isn’t doing this to frustrate you. Repetitive behavior is caused by fear and stress.

When your loved one has dementia or Alzheimer’s, they are often unsure of what’s happening. And that can leave them feeling scared and unsure. They repeat a question because they’re looking for reassurance from you that everything will be okay.

Approach it from this angle and you’ll quickly reduce the stress.

Shorten your answers

It’s tempting to sit down and provide a thoughtful answer, especially to a question that can be answered in many ways. And while that may be appropriate in some cases, when you start to feel tension in your loved one, find the quickest answer possible and move on. Avoid saying things like: I just told you that. That only leads to more stress.

Give a hug or a touch

You might be busy when you provide your answers. You might have your hands full and be on the move. But when you see the repetition pattern happening, put everything down and provide a little touch. You can hold their hands and give a gentle squeeze. Or lean in for a hug. This simple calming move may be just what they need.

Change the scene

Sometimes the only way to stop the questioning is to do something else instead. Change their focus by doing something different. Bring out a book to read. Ask if they’d enjoy a cup of tea. Or find their sweater and take them outside for a walk. Even simple chores such as sorting laundry can put their mind in a different place.

Walk away

When all else fails, give yourself a few minutes to calm down. Go to the bathroom. Run to the laundry room to put in a load of clothes. Find a meditation app you like and “escape” for five minutes.

Give yourself the time you need to center and calm. Because you can only provide the best caregiving you can give when you’re at your best.

When Your Mom Keeps Asking To Go Home

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One of the most difficult things you can hear from a parent is: “I want to go home.”

It’s difficult in any circumstance, but especially if they are already at home. How do you respond? What do you do?

First, understand the reasoning behind their request. They aren’t asking to go home as much as they are looking for comfort. Fear and anxiety are bubbling up, and they aren’t sure what to do. They want the familiar. Asking to go home is a way of returning to what they know.

What can you do? Don’t get discouraged. This might be something you deal with over and over again. Having a few responses at hand should help you through it quickly.

1. Provide comfort

If you keep in mind that what your parent really wants is comfort, it can make your response easier. Realize they are anxious or scared. Reassure them. Use a calm voice to talk to them rather than letting your speech elevate. Sit down and put your arm around them or give them a hug. Try a comfy blanket, or even a stuffed animal or therapy doll. Sometimes a gentle touch is all it will take.

2. Avoid explanations

As an adult child, your natural tendency will be to react to their questions or statement. But an answer of “You’re already home” will only make her more agitated. You can’t reason with them because that level of conversation no longer works.

3. Redirect actions

A hug is a good first step. Then move to something they like to do instead. If they’re pacing; pace with them. Then direct them to the kitchen to help make a cup of tea to enjoy together. If they’re able to walk outside, try taking a walk around the neighborhood and point out new things in your environment. Flowers in bloom or a butterfly flying by can be great distractions.

You can also use questions to help her move to a different place and time.

“What do you like best about home?”

“What’s your favorite room?”

“What do you like to do when you’re at home?”

This gives her the chance to focus on things they like. And hopefully, push her fears and insecurities by the wayside.

Think Assisted Living Is The Answer? You Won’t After Reading These Tips To Keep Your Parents At Home

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Depending on your parents’ health, caregiving may be quickly finding its way into your life as a full time job. Maybe even beyond. Are you on call day and night? Do you help them as much at 11pm as you do 11am?

You’re tired. You’re frustrated. You want your life back!

And when many adult children reach this point, they look at assisted living. But is it really the answer? Or are you exchanging one problem for another? One that will cost you a lot of money and energy in the long run.

There is another solution. But before we get there, let’s start with a little experiment.

How much care are you really providing?

Sometimes it’s difficult to really put a finger on how much care you’re providing. Many adult children are surprised at how quickly the time adds up.

For the next week, write down every task you do for your parents. If you pick up something at the drugstore for them, write it down. If you stop by their home to ensure they are taking their medicine, write it down. If you call to check in, write it down. No matter how large or small the task, jot down a few notes so you can get a clear picture of what you do every day. After a few days, you’ll see your life in living color.

Now it’s time for a little evaluation.

Are you surprised at how much care you are providing?

Don’t negate the importance of every task. It’s easy to say: But I had to stop by the drugstore anyway. While that might be the case, it does take extra time to wait in line for a prescription or compare labels on a new product. Would you have waited until you had more on your list if the shopping would have only been for you?

All of this takes time away from the important things in your own life. If you’re spending your time on chores and caregiving for your parents, it’s taking away from your life with your family and friends. And that can add up to insurmountable stress.

You love them. And you don’t mind. It’s what adult children do. We hear that a lot.

But it should never reach the point of overwhelm. It should never become a full time job.

There are lots of options.

Here’s the part most adult children get wrong. They move from “help” to assisted living without batting an eye. Because there are so many assisted living facilities popping up all over town, it’s become a mindset that it’s the natural progression for our parents when they start to fail. Yet there are very few situations that can’t be met by keeping your parents in the comfort of their home instead.

Because even when you put your loved one in assisted living, that won’t end your tasks. You may sign up for assisted living, but chances are the “package” you purchase, no matter how many zeros are at the end of the monthly fee, still won’t cover all there is to do.

If your mom doesn’t like the food, you’ll be bringing her meals. If she can’t make her own bed, the laundry service won’t be enough. If she gets lonely with only a few minutes of interaction with the staff each day, you’ll be dealing with the consequences. And that equates to hours of your time. Time you hoped to get back.

Instead, look to in-home caregiving. It provides you with all the care you need in the comfort of your parents’ home. It provides you with peace of mind as well as precious time. And what’s best is you can hire it 24 hours of the day if needed. And the cost will be a welcome relief when compared to assisted living; a savings that will ensure a better life for mom and dad.

Want to learn more? We’re just a phone call away.

How To Approach Caregiving When Siblings Disagree

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Whether you’ve gotten along with your sibling in the past or not, when you start the caregiving process for mom or dad, it brings on a whole new set of challenges and problems. All of a sudden, you find out what your siblings are really thinking. And they hide behind the most damaging words.

“How could you let strangers take care of mom?”

“Dad said he’d rather die than go to a nursing home. You can’t let him go.”

And the fighting begins.

While your parents might, in fact, have said they fear all that happens when they get old, they never intended to push off caregiving solely onto their children. Especially one of their children, splitting the family dynamics apart.

Siblings usually fight for one of two reasons:

  • They simply don’t agree.
  • They have ulterior motives in mind.

If you’ve always disagreed, the stress of caregiving isn’t going to bring you together.

Yet many siblings get it into their minds that at some point in time, a little inheritance will come their way. And when caregiving costs escalate, that dream can quickly slip away. Even if it is a subconscious dream.

If you’re the one providing care – even part time care – you know how quickly things add up.

You visit the grocery store to pick up a few things for you … and a few things for them.

You stop by the drug store to pick up an item for you … and adult diapers for them.

You take time out from work to tote them to appointments. You no longer have the time to dedicate to time with your own family. You can’t remember when you last took vacation time for a real vacation.

And then your parent takes a turn for the worse. They require even more medical care. It escalates quickly from a few hours a week to a few hours a day. Or worse. And the money quickly adds up.

If you’re the one providing most of the care, the only thing you can do is stand your ground. Keep records of everything you do. If you buy your parents clothing, track it. If you pick up extra food, keep track of that too. If things turn ugly and they start to complain, you’ll have grounds to stand on. And if it escalates, you’ll have the proof you need.

Get counseling or mediation if you need it. Turn to legal help if necessary. And always remember no relationship – even sibling relationships – are worth the cost of your health.

Caregiving Tips For Only Children

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When a parent enters the phase of life where they need caregiving, it takes an army to ensure everything is in place. There are doctors, therapists, financial issues, daily tasks to takeover, decisions to be made; it all becomes overwhelming very quickly.

Caregiving requires a little bit from everyone around the person in need. But most of all, they rely on their family for support.

If the person has adult children, much of the work falls onto their shoulders. One may provide one on one care, while another may handle phone calls and financial situations from afar. Sibling talk, confer, make decisions together, and sometimes fight. Oh, the fights. It breaks some families apart.

But what about an only? Only children don’t have another sibling to rely on. The welfare of mom or dad rests entirely on their shoulders. Well …

Not exactly. Only children are often very resourceful. Only children are used to being onlies. Which means they’re often better prepared to meet situations head-on.

Onlies are never alone

Only children learn early to reach out to their community for what they need. They ask aunts and uncles and cousins for help. They aren’t afraid to bring a friend into their confidence. If you’re an only, continue that spirit as you take on a caregiving role. Realize early that you can’t do everything, nor should you. Now is the time to build your team. The more support you can bring in early, the more on top of everything you’ll be throughout this process.

Create a plan

Firstborn and only children have a lot in common. They have higher IQs, are more likely to be high achieving, and in general are more successful than siblings born second or third. And as most successful people know, the key to their success is by creating and sticking to a plan.

Caregiving is no different. The more you plan for it, the easier it will be as you enter that phase of your life. If you’re worried about mom or dad, don’t wait for the next step; act now. Start building your roadmap to ensure you do things in the most efficient manner. And if you can get input from your parents, all the better. Collect all documentation: account information, legal documents, insurance coverage, assets. If your parents haven’t created wills, legal wills, and power of attorneys, contact a lawyer and start drafting the different documents you’ll need. It makes the process easier when challenges come your way.

Always be looking for resources

Throughout the caregiving process, you’ll meet all kinds of people. And every one of them has the potential to offer a wealth of information. Never let the opportunity pass without asking a question.

  • What would you recommend I do …?
  • What’s the best way to approach …?
  • Is there anything else I should know about …?
  • What would you do?

You’ll be surprised at what’s available to you if you simply ask. Not only does it provide you with strength in numbers, but it also allows you to provide more care for yourself. And as the sole care provider for your parents, you’ll cherish that “you” time even more when you realize your parents are receiving the best care possible.

Is Your In Home Caregiver Making These Mistakes?

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Caregiving isn’t an exact science. Likewise, in home caregiving services aren’t all the same.

If you’re weighing your options, it’s important to remember that every caregiver takes their own approach. The critical part of the process is to keep communication lines open both with your caregiver and with the in home caregiving staff.

We find the mistakes people complain about the most can usually be cleared up with a quick conversation.

Multiple Caregiver Confusion

If you use round the clock care, you’ll have several caregivers providing for your loved one’s needs. Each caregiver will have their own approach, and it’s natural to prefer one over the other. The key is ensuring they all provide what’s needed the most in a way you desire. How will you keep all caregivers on target with needs? Who will be the point person for ensuring everything is completed according to the client’s needs and desires? When in doubt, ask. And find a solution both you and your caregiving service can adhere to.

Punctuality

Occasional lateness is human – we all get stuck in traffic once in a while. But continual tardiness can be an inconvenience and have a huge impact on caregiving needs. Instead of silently fuming, address lateness the moment it happens. You can get a pretty good feel for punctuality after a few days. If it appears to be a problem, discuss your concerns with the staff.

Inconsistent Care

We know a lot of caregivers haven’t received the same levels of training. Some in home caregiving services are merely looking for an individual they can send out on a job. Other services spend the time prequalifying potential caregivers using many different criteria. How is the service you’re considering evaluating their caregivers? Do they update their skills? Do they require further training? It’s okay to ask what skill sets a caregiver has, and how they approach further advancement.

Cultural Differences

We all have certain ways of saying things, and different standards for cooking our meals. It’s a family thing. It’s a cultural thing. And sometimes caregivers do things their way – it’s what they’re used to. Staying silent only exacerbates the situation. If you have needs and desires, voice them from the beginning.

In home caregiving is more than just caregiving; it’s the start of an intimate relationship. And like any relationship, good communication is mandatory.

Are you thinking about using in home caregiving for your loved one? The best place to start is with a complimentary consultation.

Financing In Home Care: A Better Option Than Assisted Living

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Something needs to be done with mom. She can’t live on her own anymore. Maybe assisted living is the answer.

Has your world revolved around those statements these past few weeks? Many adult children find themselves in that place where a decision about what to do with mom becomes front and center in your life. And an assisted living facility (ALF) seems like a good choice. Many ALFs are popping up all over town; they appear to be the right choice for so many.

Many adult children say yes to ALFs. And they do so with the right intentions. Assisted living facilities seem to offer:

  • A safe place to live
  • Lots of companionship
  • Less worry for you

That’s win/win, right? Well …

For many adult children who move mom into an ALF, that’s when the real problems begin. Because that’s when you start realizing your assumptions about the place are way off base.

You thought it was a safe place for her to live. But safety is relative. Sure, she might not have a smaller space to navigate, and have a helping hand only a press of a button away. But you’ll quickly find the safety features are limited at best. And if you want something, you’ll pay. And pay and pay – most things are “extras” on their ever-growing a la carte list.

You may have figured mom would be happier with a group of people her own age. But she doesn’t know the people near her. They tend to stay to themselves, locked up tight in their rooms. Some of them have medical conditions that prevent them from taking an active role and getting to know their neighbors. Mom may become lonelier than she was before.

You thought you’d worry less with her in a safe place. Now you worry more. Is she getting the proper care? How much more will you have to pay to get the level of care you desire? Will your mom be forced out as her chronic illness progresses? How long can this go on?

ALFs … they aren’t all they are cracked up to be. In fact, as in home caregivers, we continue with a lot of our patients as their adult children move them from their homes into an assisted living facility. Why?

Because in home caregiving is personalized service. It’s one on one care – something you’ll never get in an ALF.

For a lot of adult children, they discover there is a better way than putting mom into assisted living. In home care allows your mom to stay in the comfort of her home and get the care she needs in a personalized way.

And you can do that easier than you think.

For many, they sell mom’s home to afford assisted living. But what if you could pay for care while mom still lives at home? It’s called a reverse mortgage. For many families, it’s the best of both worlds. It allows mom the care she deserves. It allows you to have peace of mind knowing she’s safe and out of harm’s way.

At this critical point in your family’s lives, it’s essential to gather all the information you need before you make your final choice. If you want a second opinion or to learn from our years of experience in the caregiving industry, give us a call. We’re here for you and your family.